My husband is an engineer. I love his natural expressions and I love that warm feeling that appeared inside my heart, when I lean on his shoulders. Three years in a relationship, two years of marriage, I admit that I began to feel tired. My reasons to love him before, has turned out into something boring. I am a sentimental women and has a very sensitive feeling.
I craved for romantic moments like a child who craved for a candy. But I never get it all. My husband is far different from what I expected. His sensitivity is very low and his inability to create a romantic atmosphere in our marriage has destroyed all of my expectations for an "ideal love".
One day, I ventured myself to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?", my husband asked in surprise. "I'm tired, you could never give me the love I want", I replied. My husband was silent and pensive all evening in front of his computer. It looks like as if he's working on something, but it's not. My disappointment grew more and more. A man who could not even express his feeling, what else could I expect from him?
And finally my husband asked, "What can I do to change your mind?". I looked deep into his eyes and said gently, "I have a question, if you can find the answer in my feeling, I will change my mind. Let's say, I like a beautiful flower in the mountain cliff. We both know that if you climb the mountain, you will die. Question is, are you going to pick that flower for me?" He was pensive, and finally said, "I'll give you the answer tomorrow". I feel depressed when I heard his response. The next morning, he was not home and I found a piece of paper with handwriting beneath a glass of warm milk that says: "Honey, I would not pick the flower for you, but let me explain why."
The first sentence is breaking my heart, but I continue to read: "Your body always aches when your 'best friend' come every month. *the 'best friend' her husband saying is about the menstruation* And I had to give my hand to massage your feet which are aching. You like to be at home and I always worry you will be 'weird', then I have to buy something to entertain you at home or lend my tongue to tell you the funny things I've experienced. You always watch television too close, too close to the book when reading, and it's not good for your eye health. I have to keep my eyes so that when we get older, I can still help you cut your nail and pluck your grey hair."
"My hands will hold your hand, guiding you stroll down the beach, enjoying the morning sun and beautiful sand, telling the beautiful colors of flower are as pretty as your face. But dear, I will not pick the beautiful flower in the mountain cliff just to die. Because, I could not see the tears you cry over my death. Honey, I know there are many people who can love you more that I love you."
"So dear, if all that which has been given, my hands, my feet, my eyes are not enough for you, I could not stop you for finding another hands, feet and eyes that can make you happy."
My tears fell on the letter and blurred the ink, but I still keep on reading. "And now my dear, you have finished reading my answer. If you're satisfied with this answer, and still wants me to stay in this house, please open the door of our house, I am standing there waiting for your answer. If you're not satisfied, dear, let me go in to tidy up my stuff and I will not complicate your life. Trust me, my happiness is when you're happy."
I immediately ran to open the door and saw him standing at the door with a curious face while his hands were holding my favorite milk and bread. Oh, now I know, no one has ever loved me more than he loves me. That is love, when we feel the love has gradually disappeared from our heart because we feel that he can't give the love in the form we want, then love is actually present in another form that we never imagined before. Often we need to understand is to understand the manifestation of love from our spouse and not expect a particular form. Because love is not always in the form of a flower.
-The End-
How do you feel? It is a nice story to tell, isn't it? Actually when I read/translated this story, I was so touched that I can't help my tears from flowing across my face. There are many ways to love someone and everybody do have a different way. I do agree with the author that we have to understand the manifestation of love from our spouse and not expect a particular form. Love is giving without expecting anything in return, right? Until last night, I used to ask him "why did he like that?", "Does he really love me?, "Am I important in his life?". Some unimportant questions actually. And he always asked me back, that after these years, why am I still doubt about something like that. Well, I don't know. Deep inside my heart, I do realize that he loves me very much. He does, really. Then why I still ask those stupid questions? It's actually not a "doubt", but simply because I love to hear the answer. XoXo. Unfortunately, he's not the type of guy who love to do sweet talks :( If I flashed back, what he has done for me in my daily life for these years, I don't know how to express this feeling. I feel so blessed that he's with me, there are so many things he did for me. He loves me in a different way, in a way that I never imagined before. He will sometimes punch my head, punish me if I wake up late, pinch me, etc. The weird thing is I do feel happy for every evil things he did to me. It's the way he loves me and I know that no one ever loved me like the way he does, that's why I love him so much and I can never let him go ♥
"Holding on and never letting go". It's our promise :)